Whitney Gaskell: November 2004 Archives

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Hurrah!

I actually thought it had ended months ago, but it's always good to get the official word.

Link | 30 November 2004 at 03:42 PM | | Comments (0)

Amazing Website

Jonathan and Victoria from The Amazing Race (aka Blue Hair and Botox) have a website.

They seem just as awful there as they do on the show. But it does have a wealth of important information. Did you know, for example, that Victoria is a playmate/pop artist? Or that Jonathan thinks it looks sexy to display a photograph of himself tearing off his own shirt?

Gah.

Hat tip to Jennifer Weiner.

Link | 29 November 2004 at 06:04 PM | | Comments (0)

Desperate Housewives

Am I the only person not watching this show?

And now I don't want to start it, because I've already missed half the season. Please tell me they're going to release it on DVD . . .

Link | 29 November 2004 at 05:51 PM | | Comments (0)

Movie Lines

I have a black leather knapsack-style purse that I always use when I travel, and every single time I put it on I think of the line from Swingers, where John Favreau says, "And I'm supposed to be all excited because she's wearing a little knapsack."

Every single time.

Link | 29 November 2004 at 05:48 PM | | Comments (0)

Holiday Travels

George, Sam and I spent Thanksgiving break in New Jersey, visiting my step-mom's family (also known as the least dysfunctional family I've ever met . . . my uncle said, upon meeting them, "It's like walking into a Disney movie."). We had a great time seeing everyone, and George and I even had the rare treat of being able to spend a day in Manhattan (Note to readers: Never, ever attempt to enter FAO Schwarz on the day after Thanksgiving. You’ve been warned.).

Yesterday we had to get up at the dismally early hour of 4:30 a.m. to catch a flight back to Florida. Sam woke up cheerfully enough, and stayed awake for the hour long car ride to the airport and for the three hour flight home, much to the consternation of our airplane traveling companions (and especially the woman sitting directly in front of us, as Sam was obsessed with pulling the phone on the back of her seat down, then pushing it back up, then pulling it back down, etc, etc).

In fact -- and the moms out there who have traveled with squirming tots will appreciate the cruel irony of this -- Sam didn't fall asleep until the plane touched down and was taxiing to the gate. I was tempted to wake him up -- out of spite -- but George talked me out of it.

We returned to the best present I have ever received . . . my mom had my house cleaned for me while I was gone. By professional cleaners. I'm sure she was trying to make a point (especially when she commented that it had taken a team of two EIGHT hours to clean the place), but I don't care. It was heaven.

Link | 29 November 2004 at 01:53 PM | | Comments (0)

The Real Cost of the Twelve Days of Christmas

If you actually did decide to gift a loved one with a partridge in a pear tree, two turtle doves, etc, it would run you $66,334.

No, I'm not making this up.

Link | 29 November 2004 at 01:50 PM | | Comments (0)

Heard Around The House, Part 7

Me: I got the cutest clothes for Sam at Target today. Cute and cheap!

George: Target's a great store.

Me: Yeah. They had me at hello.

Link | 23 November 2004 at 02:31 PM | | Comments (0)

Yet Another Silly Quiz . . . Which Book Are You?

I'm Pride & Prejudice (but of course).

You are Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen);
intellectually stimulating, romantic, and
sardonic. You are a brilliant love story about
how two people go through a complete change of
feelings, and about how society of the early
1800s was quite hilarious. I'm glad they found
love, because they used to hate each other. Go
say something sarcastic.

Which Book are You?

Link | 22 November 2004 at 04:15 PM | | Comments (0)

There and Back Again: A Pug's Tale

Big drama here at the homestead last night. Our pug, Maddy, whose eyesight has been deteriorating rapidly, ran off into the night.

And it was all my fault.

What kind of an idiot would let a nearly blind dog out without a leash on?

Apparently, an idiot like me.

In my (weak) defense, Maddy is more potato than she is dog. Her motto is "Why walk when you can eat?" and I normally have to drag her up and down the block for her daily vet-ordered constitutionals (she's put on so much weight recently that she resembles a furry bowling ball on legs). Even in the days when she had perfect vision, she never ventured far away. Our routine is that several times a day we toddle outside, and I wait while she piddles, and then we toddle back in.

Up until last night, that is, when Maddy suddenly dropped her snout to the grass, and bolted off in the general direction of our next-door neighbor's house. I dashed inside for my sneakers and a flashlight, and by the time I got back out, she'd vanished.

We sent out a search party, who combed the neighborhood for hours. But there was no pug to be found. We went to bed broken-hearted, convinced that she'd become a tasty morsel for one of the local alligators or bobcats that live in the back wood. This morning I looked for her some more, and when that proved fruitless, I papered the neighborhood with flyers, but it was without much hope. I genuinely thought she was gone forever, and I spent most of the morning in tears.

Right around lunchtime, the phone rang. The tennis pro had found Maddy waiting patiently by the door of the clubhouse when he got into work this morning and called me after he saw one of my flyers. I have no idea how she got all the way over there -- it must be at least a mile away, and this is the dog who has perfected the art of loafing -- but other than being a little dehydrated, she's safe and sound.

We had a joyful reunion, involving much slobber and wet kisses, which Maddy tolerated patiently. And now the little wanderer is sacked out at my feet, snoring softly.

Link | 22 November 2004 at 02:39 PM | | Comments (0)

Another Quiz

Which Disney Princess are you?

I'm Snow White.

"You are sweet and graceful and bring out the best in people. You have lots of friends because of your loveable and caring nature."

Now, I'm not sure where they got that from, because the questions centered around what color hair I have, what kind of clothes I like to wear and where my ideal place to live is, but hey, I'll take it. Sweet and graceful it is.

Link | 21 November 2004 at 09:37 AM | | Comments (0)

It's Not Sexy, But . . .

Apparently it's me.

You Are the Loyalist

You have strong relationships and are intensely loyal.

People find you easy to love and care for.

You like your world to be stable and secure, no surprises.

You're cautious. You prefer your inner circle to the outside world.

What number are you?

Link | 19 November 2004 at 11:14 PM | | Comments (0)

Painful But Oh So Good

I'm talking about The Office, of course.

Since we don't get BBC America down here in the sticks, we had to wait for the two specials that conclude the series to be released on DVD. They finally came out this week, and went right to the top of my Netflix queue.

George and I were so addicted to this series, that when we watched the first two seasons on DVD this summer, we felt the need to dole it out as slowly as we could. But tonight, we just blew it out and watched the specials back to back. We had to find out what happened with Dawn and Tim, especially after season 2 ended on such a difficult note for them.

The question is, how can something so painful to watch be so hysterically funny? Half the time I'm cringing, holding my hands over my eyes, and yet at the same time, I'm laughing so hard my stomach hurts.

Funniest line of the special: "Can we not talk about my dead mother's breasts?"

Biggest disappointment: David didn't do his dance. Although if you go into the Bonus Material, there is a clip of it there. Thank God.

And as for Dawn and Tim . . . well, you'll just have to find that out for yourself. I strongly recommend that you start with season one, and work your way forward. Knowing how it ends would just take all the fun out of it.

Link | 19 November 2004 at 10:44 PM | | Comments (0)

Random Thoughts On The Amazing Race Premiere

First of all, who the hell did the casting for this season? Because based on all of the cheesy, bikini clad, silicone-injected contestants, I think they might have mixed up AR with Fear Factor. AR is supposed to have normal contestants, and not just eleven teams of models/actors/professional wrestlers.

And speaking of silicone, the best line of the night goes to Lori the Wrestler: "It's so cold, I think my implants froze."

It's too early to pick a favorite, although maybe not too soon to pick a few villians. In fact, two contestants seem to be vying for the title of Most Annoying Contestant Ever, namely:

Jonathan, who I think might actually be insane,

and

Lori, who I think might actually be a man in drag.

Only time will tell if either one will sink to the level of Colin or Flo.

And finally, I was blown away that the Brooklyn guys were eliminated. Sure, it was pretty lazy of them to toddle around in the motor boat instead of picking their way up the cliff, but even so, the older couple ("Don't run, we'll twist our ankles!"), the ditzy roommates ("Like, Omigod, the glacier is, like, totally icy!"), and the Hell Boy couple (did they not see the episode two seasons ago where the morons put regular fuel into a diesel-only car, or are they really that dumb?) all beat them. Did the Brooklyn guys stop off for some burgers and a nap on the way to the pit stop?

Link | 17 November 2004 at 03:30 PM | | Comments (0)

It's Amazing Race Night!!!

And I can't wait!!!

I've been feeling so superior about not getting sucked into this season of Survivor, but there's no way in hell I'm giving up my Amazing Race fix.

Link | 16 November 2004 at 05:37 PM | | Comments (0)

One-Way Ticket To Never Never Land

Hmmm.

That's all I have to say: Hmmmm.

Link | 15 November 2004 at 05:36 PM | | Comments (0)

There's A Frog In My Sink

No, really, I'm serious. There's a big frog sitting inside the garbage disposal drain. What the hell am I supposed to do with that?

And don't tell me to turn on the garbage disposal. That's just sick.

Update: What's the etiquette rule on asking a neighbor to come over and pluck the frog out of the garbage disposal for me? Done or not done?

Update: He's still there.

Update: Okay, I've decided to go with a Live and Let Live policy toward the frog. He can have custody of the disposal drain, I get the rest of the house.

Update: Still there.

Update: Just went to fill up Sam's sippy cup. Kermit -- that's what I've decided to name the new addition to the family -- is still in the sink. He looks happy there. Appears to be napping.

Update: A-ha! My neighbor just came over and caught the frog for me! Kermit put up a fight -- he jumped out of the sink, onto the windowsill, then over to the paper towel rack (note to self: throw out entire roll of paper towels), then back to the sink -- but he was finally caught and released into the wild.

My kitchen is once again a frog-free zone.

Update: My mother-in-law writes to tell me that she once found a frog in the toilet. Now I shall never pee in peace ever again.

Never. Again.

Link | 15 November 2004 at 12:23 PM | | Comments (0)

48 Hours And Counting . . .

Until the two hour premiere of The Amazing Race 6!!!!

Link | 14 November 2004 at 07:50 PM | | Comments (0)

Portrait Of A Man Who Will Never Get Lucky

A car passed me on the highway today that had the phrase "LADIES MAN" stenciled on the rear window in large white letters.

I don't know what's worse -- that a man would actually feel compelled to put such a thing on his car, or that he'd screw up the punctuation while doing so.

Link | 14 November 2004 at 02:13 PM | | Comments (0)

Me Me Me, Part 2

Here's a profile of yours truly that ran in this past Sunday's Syracuse Post-Standard.

My dad thinks that the article makes it sound like George is a lot older than me. He's not a lot older. Just a little bit older. Let's put it this way: when I was in high school, my parents would never have let me date him.

Link | 11 November 2004 at 10:09 AM | | Comments (0)

Skin Deep

Last night I watched The Swan for the first time. That is one seriously messed up show.

For those of you who have never seen it, they take two women who are supposed to be homely (although the women on last night were really normal looking), give them massive amounts of plastic surgery, dental work and hair extensions, and at the end pick which one of the women is prettier. The winners all go on to compete in a "pageant" at the end of the season, the winner of which is crowned The Swan.

Gag.

"I came on the show because I want to teach my daughter to have self-confidence," one of the "contestants" sniffled.

Right. Because getting massive amounts of plastic surgery ("I want to go as big as you can make me . . . at least a DD," she instructed the plastic surgeon as they discussed her breast implants) is how you go about teaching your daughter to have self-confidence.

And the really weird thing is that both of the women on last night were transformed from looking perfectly ordinary to looking like strippers. Lots of silicone, fat injected lips and tacky low-cut dresses.

Or is that the point? Maybe we'll see them next season on a new reality show entitled, I Want To Be A Porn Star.

You know it's just a matter of time.

Link | 09 November 2004 at 07:58 AM | | Comments (0)

Life With A Toddler, Part 5

If I were 14 months old, and someone lovingly prepared me a delicious yet nutritious meal of grilled cheese on whole wheat bread and lightly steamed baby carrots, I wouldn't throw every last bite off of my highchair and onto the floor.

But hey, that's just me.

Link | 08 November 2004 at 12:30 PM | | Comments (0)

Whatever Happened To Kermit?

Sam's Baby Tad toy creeps me out.

I don't know why exactly. There's just something a bit sinister about those big staring eyes and open arms with the stubby little fingers on each end.

I'm afraid it's going to come alive and kill us all in our sleep, like Chucky in the horror movie Child's Play. Or that it's whispering in Sam's ear: "Hi! I'm Baby Tad! Go get a butcher's knife from the kitchen and stab your mommy! Yea!"

But Sam loves Baby Tad. Today he learned that if you press the pink heart on Baby Tad's cheek, it makes a kissy sound and says, "I LOVE YOU."

He's now pressed the damn heart two hundred times in a row.

"SMOOCH! I LOVE YOU! SMOOCH! I LOVE YOU! SMOOCH! I LOVE YOU! SMOOCH! I LOVE YOU! SMOOCH! I LOVE YOU! SMOOCH! I LOVE YOU! SMOOCH! I LOVE YOU!"

Link | 08 November 2004 at 10:40 AM | | Comments (0)

Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!

Watched Supersize Me over the weekend.

Will. Never. Eat. Fast. Food. Ever. Again.

Link | 08 November 2004 at 08:09 AM | | Comments (0)

Animal Cruelty

Pajamas for your dog? I mean, come on. This is just wrong.

Link | 04 November 2004 at 04:59 PM | | Comments (0)

59 Shopping Days 'Til Christmas

Now that all of the election hullabaloo is over, it's time to turn our attention to more stressful events:

Thanksgiving

Christmas

Hanukah

Endless family get togethers

Weight gain

And -- worst of all -- the shopping. Because it's not fun shopping. It's race around at the last minute, spending too much money on gifts you know the recipient probably won't even like that much shopping.

But I'm here to make it all easy on you.

Just buy this. Buy ten of 'em. Because really, they make the perfect gift for just about anyone. Can't think of what to get your sister? Your best friend? Your boss? Your father-in-law? Your manicurist (sure, Glamour may suggest you give her a bigger tip than usual, but what do you think she'd really rather get -- money or my book?)?

And just think, you don't even have to leave home to do your shopping! Plus, buy three copies (at least!), and Amazon will give you free shipping.

Can you spell D-E-A-L?*

*How lame is this? Tell me the truth, I can take it.

Link | 03 November 2004 at 04:48 PM | | Comments (0)

Reviews

The kick ass Romantic Times Book Club review for TLAOL is now available online. They rated it as fantastic.

I'll take fantastic. Fantastic suits me just fine.

Link | 01 November 2004 at 03:14 PM | | Comments (0)