Whitney Gaskell: April 2005 Archives

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Just What I've Always Wanted

I've looked high and low for the perfect bedroom lamp, and the answer to my quest arrived today in the Touch of Class catalog. (Why am I on this mailing list? Why?)

Victorian Lady Table Lamp

How is it that someone actually decided to manufacture and market this . . . this . . . thing? Is there really enough of a demand out there for creepy doll lamps to justify it?

Seriously . . . some people just need to be saved from their own bad taste.

Link | 30 April 2005 at 05:41 PM | | Comments (0)

Rolling My Eyes

Did anyone catch the end of Dr. Phil today? It was a show where people were asking Dr. Phil about their parenting dilemmas, and this one woman was all like, "My two year old is this BRILLIANT child who can count in English and Spanish, and knows all of the states, and was drawing trapezoids when he was nine months old, and we're just not sure how to handle how exceptional he is."

Oh, puh-lease. Just because your kid is able to rattle off the alphabet, doesn't mean he's any smarter than my kid who is, right this very moment . . . er . . . talking into the television remote control like it's a telephone.

But hey, that just shows he has a creative spirit! And he isn't afraid to express himself in nontraditional ways! And who needs to draw a trapezoid anyway?

Link | 27 April 2005 at 05:16 PM | | Comments (0)

Beep!

Beep . . . beep . . . beep . . . beep . . .

That's the sound of the smoke detector -- which I can't reach, even when standing on my tippy-toes at the top of the step ladder -- in Sam's room letting me know that the battery needs changing.

It. Is driving. Me. Insane.

Beep . . . beep . . . beep . . .

Link | 27 April 2005 at 04:59 PM | | Comments (0)

Can You Hear Me Now?

I just spent an hour at the local Verizon store, trying to purchase a new charger for my cell phone. There were eighteen employees milling around the store, but apparently only one had received the advanced training on how to fetch a charger out of the back room, so they made Sam and I wait.

Sam does not like waiting in line. And he especially doesn't like waiting in line in the Verizon store, a feeling he communicated to me by turning bright red, clenching his face like a fist and screeching loudly while we waited for the one competent salesperson to help us.

Which I actually sort of understood. If it had been socially acceptable, I would have screamed too.

I rarely use my cell phone. My charger died weeks ago, and I've only just now gotten around to buying a replacement. Before that, my phone spent about a month sitting at the bottom of Sam's toy box. But there's something about being in the Verizon store that makes me want a new cell phone. And not just any cell phone, but one of the cool ass ones that takes pictures and can be programmed to play a Depeche Mode song when it rings.

It's sort of how I feel when I walk into the Best Buy, and immediately start coveting a flat screened television set that I can hang on my wall like a painting. And all of a sudden, I'm all like, Sure it's thousands of dollars, but just think of how freaking cool it would look in my living room. I've even gone so far as to try to figure out a way to write one of those suckers off as a business expense -- I mean, hell, I write contemporary fiction, so shouldn't vegging out in front of the television count as research?

Link | 26 April 2005 at 03:11 PM | | Comments (0)

First Impressions

So we have new neighbors moving in across the street. Want to know how I met them?

By chasing Lexi through their pristine, beautiful new house.

Lex managed to sneak out while I was otherwise engaged keeping Sam from dashing out the back gate . . . and she promptly ran across the street and through the open front door of our neighbors’ new house.

I ran after her, wearing a black t-shirt, no bra, gray sweat shorts and pink Dr. Scholls.

But here's the thing about greyhounds . . . they're really freaking fast. Too fast to catch them when you’re pursuing on foot, especially while wearing pink sandals.

Luckily, our new neighbors were exceptionally gracious about the canine interruption. Either that, or they genuinely thought that the braless woman sprinting through their house was actually insane, and were afraid of provoking me.

Either way, I probably owe them a bottle of wine.

Link | 21 April 2005 at 07:31 PM | | Comments (0)

Salad Dressing

Yup, I'm going to blog about salad dressing.

Why?

Because this Galeos Cafe Miso Original is the best damn salad dressing I have ever had in my life. So good, that we order a dozen bottles at a time, since they don't carry it at the local grocery store. So good, that we go through two bottles a week. So good that I practically -- ok, actually -- lick my salad plate so that I won't waste a single drop.

Yum.

Just had to share. Not literally share, since this stuff is like liquid 22 calories per tablespoon gold, but more in the public service announcement sense.

Link | 20 April 2005 at 03:15 PM | | Comments (0)

Crap

Tonight's episode of Lost is a repeat.

Gah.

Link | 20 April 2005 at 02:50 PM | | Comments (0)

Downfall of the Greatest Show Ever

So I've been bitching for weeks about how vile Rob and Ambuh have ruined the latest season of The Amazing Race.

This chick agrees with me, but she thinks that the damage goes beyond this one season:

We know we're being manipulated. We can't help but let it happen. The action makes us too giddy, even if later on, once we really think about what Rob and Amber did this week and last, and previously to that -- oh, and remember that they already have a million dollars in the bank -- it simply makes us seethe.

Who knows, maybe some good can come from witnessing their true colors. The more wretchedness they display, the less inclined we may be to witness their Burnett-produced televised hitching. Keep in mind, fame and fortune doesn't guarantee they'll win. But the damage is done, and a respectable show has been irreparably tainted.

Link | 20 April 2005 at 02:45 PM | | Comments (0)

Ninja in Training

Don't try this at home.

Link | 20 April 2005 at 01:44 PM | | Comments (0)

My Parents Don't Appreciate Me

I think I'm probably the only person in modern history who didn't get stoned while visiting Amsterdam. I was in college at the time, and stayed remarkably sober throughout my trip to the substance abuse capital of the world.

Link | 19 April 2005 at 11:42 PM | | Comments (0)

Gag Me with a Spoon

CBS is planning a two hour special on the wedding of awful Rob and Ambuh . . . otherwise known as the couple who ruined this season of The Amazing Race for me.

The story.

My new AR theory is that not only will R&A win, but that the producers intentionally put weak teams up against R&A, so that they'd go the distance. They didn't want another P.R. fiasco, like Richard Hatch being voted off the Survivor: All-Stars so early in the season.

Meh. Who cares anymore.

Update: A reader emailed me to say that she found my website after googling the phrase, "I hate Rob and Amber." So I tried it out, and she was right . . . I come up as number 10 on the google list. Heh.

Update 2: If I looked as beautiful as Joyce does with a shaved head, I'd have gone for it, too. I can't believe she and Uchenna didn't win a cruise or whatever for coming in first. Humph. Rob and stupid insipid Amber rack up another trip every time THEY come in first. Grrrrr . . .

Link | 19 April 2005 at 07:23 PM | | Comments (0)

Tres Chic

My sister sent me a new handbag.

I really wanted the one that said, "Mrs. Justin Timberlake," but I suppose I'll have to make do.

Link | 14 April 2005 at 03:46 PM | | Comments (0)

Time To Change the Password

George just figured out how to log into our Netflix account.

Link | 14 April 2005 at 02:46 PM | | Comments (0)

Want To Know What's Really Irritating?

When you're on hold with the cable company, waiting to ask someone why your cable modem has suddenly stopped working, and there's a recorded message playing over and over and over and over announcing that there's a longer wait than usual and referring you to the help section of their website for more expedient service.

Especially considering that the very reason you're calling in the first place is because your freaking internet service isn't working.

It grates on the nerves.

Link | 13 April 2005 at 04:38 PM | | Comments (0)

TV is NOT My Friend

First, Ed was bumped from it's normal noon time slot on TBS. Which meant I had to eat lunch without Ed . . . instead, I had the rude shock of turning on channel 49 and finding Drew Carey on my screen. I have nothing against Drew, but still . . . not Ed.

And then I checked the TV Guide website and found out that Lost (my new favorite show, now that the Amazing Race sucks so hard) is a re-run tonight. And not even a good re-run, it's the annoying and somewhat boring one where Michael goes to Australia to get Walt.

Grrrr . . .

Link | 13 April 2005 at 01:06 PM | | Comments (0)

It's Official

The Amazing Race is no longer my favorite show. It's hard to remain faithful to it, what with the Rob and Ambuh stunt this season.

WHY didn't the soldier and the beauty queen yield them? Are they really that daft?

Link | 13 April 2005 at 08:58 AM | | Comments (0)

And Heeeeeeeere's Lexi!

Here's our pretty new girl relaxing on her bed, and . . .

. . . up close and personal.

Link | 11 April 2005 at 04:29 PM | | Comments (0)

Something Stinks In The State of Denmark

And by "The State of Denmark," I mean Sam's diaper.

The fact that I find this as funny as I do probably means that I did not get enough sleep last night. Sam thought that six -- SIX A.M. -- would be a good time to get up this morning. And since I'm still fighting the time change, that basically means that we got up at five a.m.

*yawn*

Link | 11 April 2005 at 09:26 AM | | Comments (0)

Heard Around The House, Part 11

Me: One of us has to do the dishes, and one of us has to bathe the baby.

George: Which do you want?

Me: Dishes. If you want the dishes, you're going to have to fight me for it. And by 'fight me for it,' I mean challenge me to a Rock, Paper, Scissors match.

George: That's okay, I'll bathe the baby. Unless you want to play Rock, Paper, Scissors just for the hell of it.

Me: No, that's okay.

Link | 10 April 2005 at 08:38 PM | | Comments (0)

Shitty Weekend, Part Deux

Want to know the only thing worse than spending your entire freaking weekend on your tax return?

Finding out at the end of it that you owe the government, and not the other way around.

The only bright note was that we adopted another greyhound today. Her name is Lexi, and she's informed me that she's not quite ready for her close-up yet, so I'll post a picture of her tomorrow.

Link | 10 April 2005 at 08:35 PM | | Comments (0)

Woo Hoo!

I just got the galleys for She, Myself & I!

Link | 07 April 2005 at 04:14 PM | | Comments (0)

Rock The Vote

Note to politicians:

Forget about all of that Social Security, Homeland Security, blah, blah, blah, crap. If you want my vote in the future, all I want are the following two promises:

(1) Daylight Savings Time will be repealed. Seriously. The time change is kicking my ass.

(2) Punitive traffic control. I'd like to use our advanced weapons systems to automatically annihilate anyone who camps out in the passing lane and drives at ten miles below the speed limit. It's a simple wish, really, and I have faith that the technology is out there. Just get a couple of those guys over from Microsoft on it . . . they can do anything.

Link | 06 April 2005 at 10:29 PM | | Comments (0)

Stupid Teletubbies

I can't get that damn song out of my head.

Tinky-winky . . . BIT-sy . . . LA-la . . . Po . . . Te-le-tubbies . . . Te-le-tubbies . . .

And between you and me, I think think they should consider dropping Bitsy from the act. She's just holding the rest of them back.

Link | 06 April 2005 at 01:39 PM | | Comments (0)

Amazing Race

Grrrrrr.

I hate Rob and Ambuh. I don't even love to hate them . . . I just hate-hate them.

Link | 05 April 2005 at 11:21 PM | | Comments (0)

. . . And Gearing Up To Be a Shitty Week.

My jogging stroller just got yet another flat tire, and we still haven't done our taxes. Or hung our bookshelves (the last attempt to hang them resulted in nine enormous holes in the middle of the living room wall).

On the bright side, there's a new episode of the Amazing Race on tonight. Maybe Rob and Amber will be eliminated tonight . . . that would cheer me up a bit.

ETA: And Daylight Savings Time has me all out of sorts.

ETA: And Sam and I missed Story Hour this morning.

Link | 05 April 2005 at 05:53 PM | | Comments (0)

Shitty Weekend

Our sweet greyhound, Kate, had a heart attack yesterday. She collapsed after a walk, and although George ran every light trying to get her to the emergency pet clinic in time, it was too late for the doctors to save her.

Miss Kate

We're still in shock. She was, by all appearances, the picture of health, and only four years old. And it all happened so fast. We're just devastated. This is the second fur-baby we've lost this year.

Rest in peace, my sweet girl.

Link | 03 April 2005 at 02:00 PM | | Comments (0)