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Top Five Things I Like About Suburban Living:

(1) Hanging out in the back yard (when it's not 100 degrees out, that is);

(2) Cool outdoor patio sets like this one that I've had my eye on;

(3) Gardens full bougainvillea and plumbago and other pretty, pretty flowers;

(4) Friendly neighbors;

(5) The Dunkin Donuts Drive-Through.

Top Five Things I Hate About Suburban Living:

(1) Crotchety, sourpuss neighbors who make disparaging comments about the state of your lawn and/or refuse to do the friendly wave thing when you pass by one another;

(2) The assholes who let their dogs roam free and/or shit on your lawn;

(3) Lawnwork, especially having to clean up dog shit;

(4) Basketball hoops (Did Hemingway have to write with the constant thunk-thunk-thunk of the neighberhood pick-up game? No, he did not.);

(5) Latenight fireworks. Especially those set off by drunken idiots, and that go on for so long you’re forced to dispatch the police.

Posted 09 July 2005 at 07:51 PM