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I'm feeling all rebellious about skipping Story Hour this morning.

I didn't have anything better to do. I didn't forget.

I chose not to go.

First of all, the 2-year old group that attends Story Hour at our local library is huge. So big, that by the time everyone's sitting in a circle, none of the kids can see the book the librarian’s holding up. What normal two-year old -- and by that I mean one without superhero super-vision -- is going to focus on a story taking place twenty yards away?

Second, I'm tired of how territorial some of the mothers get. Once they sit down, they hold on to that spot like grim death. If, heaven forbid, you're one of the last ones to get into the reading room, 9 times out of 10 you end up having to sit outside the circle. I'm not kidding. The other mothers refuse -- absolutely refuse -- to widen the circle up for the stragglers. And sitting outside the circle sucks. If it's hard for a toddler to focus on the librarian sitting waaaaaay the hell over on the other side of the room, it's damn near impossible when your vision is completely blocked by the mother and kid sitting in front of you.

Third, I just didn't feel like going. There, I said it. I didn't feel like singing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star," and I didn't feel like holding the stupid parachute and walking in a stupid circle while singing that stupid "Ring Around the Rosy" song that I didn't even like when I was two, and I didn't feel like dancing around in front of a room full of strangers.

Ths is what they expect of you at story hours these days: dancing. To annoying songs. Why is this necessary? Why can't Story Hour just have, I don't know, stories? I don't like to dance in front of other people anyway, but especially not at 10:30 am when I'm stone cold sober and especially not to anything sung by the Wiggles. If you want me to dance, put on something normal, like, say, the Spice Girls.

And an open bar wouldn’t hurt, either. With the amount of money I've spent on late fees, I think I've earned it.

Posted 23 August 2005 at 02:48 PM