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I have a gift.

I can walk into any store -- even one that sells something I know nothing about, like auto parts or hardware -- and find the most expensive item they have for sale.

"Ooo, I like this," I say. Then I look at the price tag and blanch.

It never fails. I find the $200 piece of pottery in Trash n' Treasures, the sole designer handbag in Marshalls, the $400 t-shirt at Bloomingdales.

I can't help it; I have expensive taste. I always have. Come to think of it, I always meant to marry for money . . .

George: Did you marry me for my money?

Me: You didn't have any money when I married you.

George: (sadly) Oh.

Me: It's okay, honey. You were rich in potential.

So, anyway: It happened again today. I opened up my new issue of Domino magazine and promptly fell in love with a sweater.

It's pink! It has a skull on it! I have to have it! It costs . . . $1,240???

O-kay. Guess I'll learn to live without it.

It figures. I get my heart set on a pink-skull sweater, and it turns out to be the most expensive pink-skull sweater in the history of pink-skull sweaters.

So, you see, it's a gift . . . but also a curse.

My other secret talent is that I make the best ice coffee in the world. Luckily, I don't think there's a downside to that one.

Posted 19 September 2005 at 05:55 PM