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I've never understood why some people insist on giving all of their dogs the same name. For some reason, after their dog dies, they name their new dog after the dead one, so that they always have a cocker spaniel named Goldie in residence.

I think it's a weird thing to do. Do these people lack the imagination necessary to think up a new name? Are they simply attached to the name? Or are they trying to fool their kids into thinking that it's really the same dog?

"Yes, Junior, I know Muffy used to weigh forty-seven pounds and only have three legs," the parent says, when they bring the new Jack Russell terrier puppy home. "But she was on a diet while she was away . . . and she regenerated her leg. Dogs can do that, you know. Just like starfish."

When I was a teenager, I used to baby-sit for a horrible family. They didn't have cable, never had any good snacks in and always let their kids have sleepovers on the nights when I watched them. They also had a forlorn looking golden retriever named Chelsey, who they'd periodically breed (and yes, when Chelsey had a litter in, I was also responsible for babysitting the puppies).

One evening, I was out in the backyard with the kids, and I stumbled upon the family's pet cemetery, where Chelsey’s I - VIII had been laid to rest. For some reason, I found this incredibly creepy. They'd only lived in the neighborhood for four years. Were they going through dogs at that fast a clip, or had they brought the dog's bodies with them when the moved?

Really, there's no good answer to that question.

Posted 18 November 2005 at 05:17 PM