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This morning, over a bowl of raisin bran, I was browsing through the paper, when I came across this Dear Abby column.

A woman calling herself Dazed In Denver had written in to Abby, concerned because her boyfriend had told her that his wife had died, and she later found out that the woman had instead divorced him (for reasons that were immediately apparent to me). Dazed was concerned about his lies, as was Abby, who wisely advised Dazed to end the relationship.

Me, I would have been a bit less circumspect, especially considering this bit of Dazed's letter:

He told me when we first met that his wife had died seven years ago from diabetes. He seemed upset at the memory of her loss, and I never pressed him for more details. He wears a lock of her hair braided to his, and I never really thought much about it.

This man was wearing a lock of someone else's hair braided in his, and that didn't tip this Dazed chick off that he was a freak? I don't care if it was his dead wife's or his dead dog's . . . that's majorly weird. Like, move-immediately-and-don't-leave-a-forwarding-address weird. Like, take-out-a-restraining-order-now weird.

And, as Dazed herself points out, "Now he says it isn't her hair; it's hair he bought and he likes the way it looks." Ick! Gross! Although, Dazed seems to be missing the most important point when she goes on, "Then why did he tell me it was his wife's hair? I want more than anything to get past this because we really are good together. Please help me."

You really want help, Dazed? Here's my advice, and it's a pretty simple rule: DO NOT DATE MEN WHO HAVE FOREIGN BITS OF MATTER BRAIDED INTO THEIR HAIR.

Posted 05 May 2006 at 08:36 AM