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Our first dog, Benny – a shar pei who, I can safely say, was the Worst Dog In The World – used to greet visitors at the door by trying to eat them. Every time we had someone over, we’d have to muzzle him, and then try to divert our guests attention, by gaily calling out, “Oh, don’t mind Benny, he’ll calm down in a minute . . . although it's best if you don't make eye contact with him.” Meanwhile, Benny would be growling and lunging up and attempting to chew through his muzzle.

So having a pug is a refreshing change. Pugs don’t try to eat your visitors. They do, however, try to lick them to death.

When someone comes to the door, Lulu becomes nearly apoplectic with delight. She’ll bound up to the door, yipping with delight, and then dance around on her hind legs like a circus bear, while occasionally taking a break to throw herself at our guests' legs. She’s harmless . . . but enthusiastic.

Lulu, The Official Gaskell Family Greeter

This quickly breaks down all visitors into two camps: dog people and non-dog people.

Dog people are uniformly delighted by Lulu. As she leaps around manically, trying her damnedest to find a spare bit of skin to lick, they laugh and pet her and tell her how cute she is. And Lulu promptly rolls over on the ground, exposing her belly for caresses, like the pug slut she is.

Non-dog people just look terrified.

“Is she vicious?” one delivery man asked nervously. He was a big, strong man who could have easily kicked Lulu across the room, and looked a bit silly cowering back behind the door.

“Only if you’re a dog biscuit,” I replied, wondering how he would have dealt with a lunging, snarling Benny, who viewed all UPS men as The Enemy. If he was frightened of the silly eighteen-pound ball of fluff that is Lulu, my guess is not well.

Posted 22 July 2006 at 11:14 AM