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Literary Chicks

This week: my alter ego.

Link | 27 February 2007 at 08:06 AM |

Mommy Tracked

Here's the cover for Mommy Tracked! What do you think? I love, love, love it.


mommy tracked.jpg



Mommy Tracked is set for release on August 28th. You can pre-order it at Amazon.

Link | 26 February 2007 at 10:14 AM |

Speaking the Truth

My friend Lani is debunking the myths about writers at the L.C. . . . definitely worth a read, especially if you've ever fantasized about how glamorous the life of a writer really is.

(Hint: The glamor part makes me laugh and laugh. And then cry a little).

Link | 23 February 2007 at 04:03 PM |

Heard Around The House, Part 32

Sam and I were curled up on the couch together, watching Finding Nemo. In the opening scene of the movie, Nemo's mom, Coral, is gobbled up by a big, sharply fanged fish.

Why is it that the moms are always the ones killed off in these cartoon movies? Bambi, Finding Nemo, Brother Bear. And then there's the princess genre, i.e., Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast. Apparently, you can't be a princess if the queen is still around.

Anyway, the murder of Coral happens off screen. You just see the big fish lunge at her, and then everything goes dark as Nemo's dad, Marlin, is knocked unconscious. When Marlin wakes up, Coral -- and all but one of their fish eggs -- is gone.

Watching this scene unfold, Sam gasps and pulls his blanket up over his head. And then he looks at me from under the draped blanket, his guileless blue eyes round, and asks, "Mama . . . what happened to Coral?"

Thank you, Pixar, this is just the conversation I want to be having with my three-year-old.

"Um . . . I think she's . . . well, sort of, kind of . . . . hiding," I finish lamely.

"Hiding?" Sam asks, puzzled.

"Yup! Coral's really, really good at hiding!"

I can tell that Sam doesn't totally buy this explanation. But it's all the information I'm planning on giving him at the moment.

"Hey, look! There's Nemo!" I say, pointing at the television screen to distract him.

"Oooo! Hi, Nemo!" Sam chirps happily.

Relieved, I sigh. It worked. But next time? I'm fast-forwarding through that scene.

Link | 21 February 2007 at 09:00 AM |

Literary Chicks

This week: Victoria's dirty little secret.

Link | 20 February 2007 at 08:30 AM |

Heard Around The House, Part 31

The family Gaskell was driving home from the park yesterday, when suddenly a truck careened into our lane, and came thisclose to hitting our minivan. George, who has the reflexes of a superhero, swerved and avoided disaster.

“Jesus!” I exclaimed.

“Jesus Christ,” Sam added from the backseat, before calmly taking a sip from his juice box.

George and I exchanged a look.

“Uh oh,” I said.

“That’s new,” George said.

“Sam, honey, you really shouldn’t say that,” I said. And then, quickly added, “especially not at school.”

But Sam has no interest in giving up his new phrase. So far he’s let three more Jesus Christs fly. Once after tripping. A second while struggling to put on his shoes. And a third just for the fun of it.

I’m expecting a note will be coming home from school on Tuesday.

After the last Jesus Christ, George gave me a beady look.

“What?” I said hotly. “You think this is my fault?”

“You’re the one who said it in front of him.”

“After we almost got hit by a truck,” I said. “It’s not like I was swearing because the store was out of cartons of Kools or because my lotto numbers didn’t come up. It was an excited utterance!”

“And you say I argue like a lawyer,” George said.

Link | 18 February 2007 at 11:46 AM |

V-Day

For those of you guys out there who haven't yet picked up a Valentine's Day present for your sweet patootie, here's a list of what not to get her.

Although personally I wouldn't write off the Taser that quickly . . . nothing says "I Love You" like a high-powered stun gun.

Link | 14 February 2007 at 09:07 AM |

I Hate My Printer

I don't know what sadistic evil genius invented the Brother HL-5240 Laser Printer, but I hope that karma tracks his ass down.

The printer has a fun little quirk of refusing to print out more than thirty pages at a time. If you request more than thirty pages, it goes into a sulk, blinking all of its lights and then shutting down into sleep mode. And then for the rest of the day, it will resentfully spit out a page or two before jamming up.

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. In fact, I dream of taking this pitiful excuse for a printer outside and -- as in that inspiring scene in the movie "Office Space" -- beating it into a pile of plastic chips with a baseball bat, before running over it a few times.

Link | 13 February 2007 at 10:47 AM |

Literary Chicks

This week: My gloomy thoughts on getting older.

Link | 13 February 2007 at 10:32 AM |

Literary Chicks

On outwitting my preschooler.

Link | 06 February 2007 at 08:16 AM |