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My dog, Lulu, is quite possibly the dumbest of her species that I’ve ever met. She’s very sweet . . . but also very stupid. Seriously: I have shoes that are smarter than this dog.

For example, Lulu’s not fully housebroken. It’s not that she’s physically incapable, or even that she has some emotional problem that causes her to deposit stinky turds on the bathroom floor at regular intervals. She simply forgets that she’s supposed to go outside.

Today, she yet again proved her complete lack of intelligence by breaking away from me to chase a jeep down the street. Once I overcame my surprise at seeing my tubby pug racing off at a truly shocking speed –- she actually caught up with the jeep –- I then had to retrieve her before she got crushed beneath the wheels.

When I finally caught up, she was howling and gnashing her teeth at the jeep, which the driver found highly amusing. Probably because she weighs 20 pounds, and looks like an overstuffed teddy bear.

It’s weird for us, this dumb dog situation. Our old dogs were all amazingly smart. They tended to use their extraordinary intelligence for evil rather than good, but you had to respect the problem solving that went into a knee high dog figuring out how to retrieve the Thanksgiving Day turkey from the kitchen counter, pull it to the floor and devour it whole. That, at least, takes moxie.

It’s harder to respect a dog who thinks that she can actually catch and eat a jeep.

Posted 23 March 2007 at 04:06 PM