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I do not know why I continue to subscribe to Lucky magazine. Reading it always makes me feel (a) fat, (b) old and (c) cheap.

I page through the magazine, looking at pictures of skinny girls with glossy hair and expensive clothes, and instantly start channeling my grandmother:

“These girls, with their eight hundred dollar shoes! Eight hundred dollars! My first car didn’t cost that much. What do these young girls today think, money grows on trees?”

This month, Lucky featured an article on how to apply false eyelashes. Yeah, now there’s a skill I need to acquire. Between working at home and sitting in the car-line at Sam’s school, it’s a rare occurrence if I take the time to swipe on some mascara, much less to glue on a full set of fake eyelashes.

In fact, the more I think about it, the more I am convinced that no one in their thirties should ever wear false eyelashes. Not unless you want to look like Bette Davis playing Baby Jane or a drag queen. (Unless you are a drag queen. And even then, you might want to rethink the eyelashes.)

Honestly, this is why I prefer interiors magazines. Looking at pictures of pretty houses never makes me feel fat. Poor, yes . . . but not fat.

Posted 14 September 2007 at 09:20 AM