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This is a partial list of what is currently broken in and around our house:

1. George’s car. I have no information on this, other than that it won’t start. His car will henceforth be known as the Fucking Car. (Unless the boy is around, of course. I do my best not to drop F-bomb's in his presence.)

2. Our kitchen. I’m in the middle of the interminable process of painting the cupboards, so the doors and drawers are scattered all around, making it impossible to cook. Or eat.

3. My iPod. It didn’t take kindly to falling in the bathtub. While I was taking a bubble bath.

4. George’s cell phone. Two words: Virgin Fucking Mobile.

5. Our house phone. Actually, our phone works. But it has decided – for no fathomable reason that anyone can explain to me – to no longer accept calls from George’s office. Which means that when he calls to tell me – and I’m just throwing out an example here – that his Fucking Car won’t start, the call won’t go through. This actually started happening last week, but he solved the problem by just calling home on his cell phone. Yes, that would be the Virgin Fucking Mobile cell phone (see number 4, above).

I’m sure I’m forgetting something. Oh, wait, now I remember:

6. My brain.

I feel a bit like pressing fingers to my temples and chanting, “Calgon, take me away.” Only I can’t take a bubble bath, because I need to sit by the phone and wait to see if it will let a call from George through so he can tell me what's going on with his Fucking Car. And anyway, I don’t know if a bubble bath would take my mind off of my troubles, what with the whole iPod-falling-in-the-bathtub debacle.

Posted 04 December 2007 at 06:09 PM