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I am Officially Bitter. O.B. for short. Which, now that I think about it, could also stand for Old Bitch, and still be apropos.

Sam and I attended the high school graduation party of his regular babysitter yesterday. It was a pool party, and by the time we got there was already crowded with gorgeous young things all with adorable figures and all wearing bikinis.

(When faced with the Bikini Girls, Sam was overcome with shyness, and retreated to my lap. Clearly, I have taught him well.)

So my O.B. moment came when one of the girls worried out loud that she wasn’t tan enough to pull off her new black bikini. And before I could stop myself, I heard myself tartly respond: “Hey, you might as well wear it while you can.”

See? Officially Bitter. I’ve become that woman, the middle-aged one not wearing a bikini – I shudder at the very idea – who feels the need to remind young girls that their beauty is fleeting.

It’s exactly like when senior citizens smile wistfully at Sam, and then turn to me and say, “Treasure these years while he’s young, because they go by so quickly.”

I mean, really. Why not just rip my heart out and stomp on it a few times?

Posted 06 June 2008 at 08:48 AM