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A recent phone conversation with my mother:

Mom: [In a testy tone of voice] Are you pregnant?

Me: No.

Mom: Because I heard you were pregnant.

Me: Nope. Not pregnant.

Mom: Word is you are.

Me: Okay, what exactly is this all about?

Mom: I was talking to M [my sister’s friend whom I haven’t seen since we were both bridesmaids at my sister’s wedding thirteen years ago], and she said she heard you were pregnant. And I said you weren’t, and she said she could be wrong, but she was pretty sure she’d heard you were. And I told her that I thought you would have told me if you were pregnant, and if not, I’d be really upset with you.

Mom: But I’m not pregnant. So you can’t be annoyed at me for not telling you.

Long pause.

Mom: [still sounding annoyed] Are you sure? You swear you would tell me if you were?

Me: How about if I promise you I will always tell you I’m pregnant before I tell anyone whom I haven’t seen in thirteen-plus years?

Another long pause.

Mom: Okay. Deal. [Another pause.] So you’re really not pregnant?

Me: Oh, my God.

Posted 01 August 2008 at 09:34 AM